Aug 8 &30

Dear babies,

Its been a while since I last posted an update. Im sorry its been a roller coaster ride. I will forever hold on To those memories. Later will be my 11th wek check up, Wednesday. Its been raining cats and dogs the past few weeks and I had another scare when I bled last Saturday. I felt cramping the whole day and I had spotting with bright red when I woke up. Maybe you cannot tolerate without your duvadilan. Im afraid we are being dependent on that medicine too much. But what can I do? Your safety is the most important thing in the world for us. When I am more ready I will share more details. Keep safe my twins. I am hoping to get another glimpse of your movements later. love you

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dear babies,

how are you? last tues we went to PGh for apas test and it was not a pleasant experience. We were hungry due to fasting and oh my it smells bad there. We will know the results by tom. Hoping it is negative so we will all have peace of mind and less complication. 

Im sorry if we cannot eat enough most of the time. Nagtitipid kasi tayo anak and I feel guilty because mama is taking most of our finances due to medication i need to keep you all safe. Dada is doing his best and a good job in providing for all our needs. We love you and you are our outmost priority. So please bear with mommy and daddy. We are lucky enough to have a home, helpers to manage the house and a car to bring us to places we need to go to. We should always thank papa Jesus for giving us all the blessings most especially for keeping you safe. 

Last time i had my scan, Carlisle changed position 3 times while you Zac burried your head when Dra was trying to measure you. Shy baby. Tomorrow Im guessing you are 16 weeks. Dada will hear mass at 5 am but mama has to stay home so we can rest. I dont want to jeopardize your safety by insisting on going to mass there because last time there was flood. Also Its Sasha's death anniversary tom, 3 years has passed and i had a dream about her last night. Kuya Star on theother hand will be sad because yaya Eden will soon leave us, she needs to go back to Bicol her hometown. We all love you babies. We are excited to see you by Jan next year and this Christmas will be a merry one for me and Dada so excited to see you!

14 weeks and 5 days

I have a theory darling you got dada's genes. :) you are big babies! It was our first time to have your scan at Asian Hospital. You were shy. Carlisle you turned your back when we were trying to get your picture and Zac, you burried your head down and wouldnt face us. Maybe you were hungry and irritable or just simply shy.

You guys are 13 weeks

DEar babies,

i miss wirting. i have some drafts i havent published yet. its been an emotional roller coaster for me and dada and im so tamad to write. i have been placed on bedrest since june 21 probably almost 2 months ago and its been hard. We watched bourne legacy:) im not too afraid now to go out because im not actively bleeding my last spotting was at 9 and 10 weeks.

your tita joni and ate julia went to visit you yesterday and you were both behave because we kept on telling you days before that if you wont behave, we will not eat at Italianis. And i just felt bad that morning because i threw up everything i ate. but the rest of the day you were fine until i woke up in the middle of the night with a strange colds and i had to wake up. Kuya anton is now sick due to dengue he has been hospitalized since last sunday hope he gets well soon tom and will be discharged.

Like i said, im too tired to write my thoughts. I just want you to behave please.

Vanishing Twin Syndrome

It's both sad and good news when we heard that baby number 2 stopped growing and no fetal heartbeat at all. Good news because from 100 Carlisle's heartbeat is now 136 and continues to grow in size. I would love to have twins but God will always know what is best. Doctor's advice is always even if with just one baby, it is better to have one so complications will lessen. And I would be thankful enough because if there was  an abnormality with the second baby, it would be more difficult to raise each one equally. So we love you Carlisle no matter what. We would continue to pray to Lolo Uweng for a safe pregnancy.  LAST SUNDAY: Can I Just Complain? Carlisle, Gianna or Isaac Mommy is having a very difficult day today and I wanna cry but somehow I couldnt afford to become emotional today because i feel really sick and I dont like it babies. I know im doing a good job by just lying in bed most of the time but i dont like lying down because its so hard for me to get up! I threw up 4x today can you be kinder tom? 

Friday Mass at Landayan

I have been going to Sto Sepulchro Church is Landayan, San Pedro laguna for the past 4 fridays. I had to beg Mike to take me since Dra. Morin ordered me on strict bed rest. I compromised that I will just sit while at mass and i did by the way but eventually I asked Mike to just finish the gospel and take me home because im having backpains with the seat. I feel that I don't fit anymore. Anyway, I humbly asked lolo uweng to take away all the pain, subchronic hemorrhage and bless my twins with a good heartbeat or good yolk sac for my next ultrasound. He still gives me peace and hope. I will forever be grateful for Lolo Uweng for showering me with blessings most importantly blessing me with my twins. Carlisle, you are now 5 weeks. Last Thursday during the ultrasound it states you are less than 5 weeks age of gestation. You are not alone, you have a brother or a sister to share with your journey. Please share everything from food, nutrients, oxygen, blood etc. Mommy is always nauseous everytime i try to sit after kying down, when i stand up because of acidity. But i had to sacrifice lying in bed for the next 2 months ahead for you. We love you! If I can make an extra wish it will be a baby girl and a baby boy:)

You Gave Me A Scare

Many woman have pregnancy scare but what I experienced this afternoon was a miscarriage scare once again. Even if you have prepared yourself, your soul and your every being with the possibility of spotting or any pain related to pregnancy issues, you still cannot prepare yourself once fear of losing the baby kicks in. It may feel like remission.  Today is our 6th wedding anniversary and i had spotting. I was scared but not too scared. 

kinakabahan

after two days i have to test again one more sleep but hindi ako mkatulog since i was asleep the whole afternoon. kinakabahan ako na hindi ko maintindihan kasi i have been having back pain which is not a good sign for pregnancy pero siguro kaya sumasakit is because matagal tagal din ako nakahiga today. i just want to blog bout this feeling. I am also on crinone gel today. i hve to hold my wiwi for atleast until 3 am para d naman sayang yung gamot and for the hcg to go up. I am excited tom baby. whatever happens i will still o to mass. my third mass for my nine mass novena sana baby mabuo ko. love you!