staying healthy

dear carlisle, sorry im using your dada's ipad so bear with me. so much has happened since i got home. sorry i never mentioned aj yet. he is my babypet. you should not get jelous because i love your kuya star more:) star turned two last christmas:) he loves his bed sometimes but he still prefers to sleep on the floor. another fact is im not getting better with my cough. anak isang buwan na ako may ubo. so last 26 dada and i went to fuego and then we swam in the beach akala ko my cough will be gone. anyway, imagine just to have you dada and i tried accupuncture. i was so hoepful during the first sessions but now after the second section, im thinking hard wether to continue or not with the whole process. mind you its very pricey considering both needed treatments so we spent 4 thousand for two sessions in a week.i wish anak i will see you next year. in chinese astrology its year of the dragon next year so hopefully i will be seeing you. i will talk to myself daily to say affirmations especially seeing you next year:)

Dear Carlisle

my Dearest future son, (Gianna for a daughter),

I'm currently in United Kingdom to visit your uncle's family. I just wanted to share this photo taken at Town Center of St Leonards on sea, East Sussex in Britain. For the name Gianna, I visited once a parish in PA, USA around 2009 December. But for you Carlisle how I wish i could bring you to an island named after you:) Daddy is not with me, he is back in Alabang and I miss him so much. I have a plan next year to focus only on you. I'm turning 28 in 6 days! Here in London my dear son. I just wish you were already with us. I now envy someone with her pregnancy. I pray to God to open my womb as what i read in the bible. You know what baby? you'll be the best. For i prayed hard for you. You will be a smart boy im sure and i will be very proud of you. Daddy will truly love you (but i think he will spoil you to death even if he wont admit it now.) Your baptism will be great, i dont think it will be a simple one. I wish we have the money after imagining all the medication i need to take while youre still in my womb. all the ultrasounds, all the bloodworks. I need to prepare for that. Getting pregnant is one thing, the whole 9 months is another story. Thats why I was alloting next year to be physically fit for you so i wont undergo all those agony just to deliver you safely. If i become protective of you it is because it took so many years to have you. I hope and pray to God daddy lives until you get married. He's been sick most of the time. I will keep you secret till i reach 4 months in my pregnancy. If possible, i will keep it a secret until I'm near birth. I will choose a good doctor for you. I love you baby.

Happy Feast Day and Happy Wedding

Two things I will write about. One is Happy Feast Day Padre Pio! Celebrated every 23rd day of September is the feast day of my favorite saint. The night before I kept on reading about him. The story I remember most is the blind girl which was given vision even if she was born with out a cornea. Second is the faith of a mother who's son died on her journey to see Padre Pio to heal his son. That captured most o my attention. Just having parents or loved ones who have faith in God and believes in miracles is a blessing. The mother's or aunts of both parties believed and claimed that the Lord will perform a miracle. I kid myself saying that next month I am indeed pregnant with the intercession of Padre Pio and I'll be in London by the time the pregnancy test will be positive. I wish it's true:)

Second, mike's good friend David and Kaye married yesterday to where I was baptized. It was the first time i attended a mass there. The wedding was simple yet full of love. The food was great and bountiful.

tough week

It's been a crazy week for me. I was not in a good mood with the French Embassy when Mike called and he said he needs to go see his doctor right away. I was having lunch with an old friend from college when i heard the news. I was shocked because I know for him to go to his doctor it must be that bad or he is in great pain.

Sept 15, Thursday was his doctor's visit. We were scheduled to have his MRI Saturday. Another problem to deal with. He had panic attack or shall I say became claustrophobic. So i had to accompany him inside the MRI station. I had headache as well right after the procedure. I asked him to eat ice cream to calm him down. It was when we got home that I got affected. Delayed reaction? I dont think so bec i had to be strong for him during the procedure.

We just came from his Dr. and Praise God for his good MRI and EEG results. So it may just be migraine after all.

Im going to sleep early today at my old room when i used to be single at my parent's house. My old bed:) just a single bed. But i gained so much weight I may have a hard time sleeping at my old bed.

Tom I have an interview with the French Embassy at Pacific Star Bldg. Makati. I need goodluck. Hope we will obtain a new visa. Goodnight my dear husband Mike and my dear dog star hope to see you soon starboy. Mama misses you.

my daily habits

i decided i should write more often to release whatever emotions i have for the day. this should be atleast a weekly habit. Well, one thing for sure is I'm still a devotee of Padre Pio and Saint Gianna. As i choose them to be the names of my future babies. For a girl, her name will be Gianna Sophia Marie or Gianna Sophia Rhianne. for a boy, Carlisle if the first name of course:) Carlisle Francis Pio. from the island of Carl in UK a very old place or town in UK. I just like they way it sounds. we can name him carl.

Last night we ate at Nuvali. At ClAW dADDY. I was too full and sleepy on our way home. Now, I am thinking of another business to open by January when i get back from London. It all depends on how much money I will make this christmas:) I hope i wont spend much on London. I wish for next year we wont depend on credit card. I wish this year we can pay off our bills.

so you see? writing is good. it clears away my thoughts and put them like in folders. then you can review it as time flies by. I need to bath at this time now. will write again. later.

Sick

I just came back from Palawan. After spending 4 days and 3 nights away from Mike, i am now resentful because I just got stressed from that trip cause I got sick. Sore throat is the main cause of it. Now i don't eat a lot. Maybe it's God's way of telling me to stop eating lol. Happy birthday Mama Mary! We love you! Yes Sept 8 is believed to be her birthday. Hope she is happy with all her well wishers. MamaMary intercede for all infertile couples out there who wants to be blessed with a child thru a healthy pregnancy.

Pursuing IVF at 28

So I'm 28 this October and I'll be in London with my dad to visit my brother's family. I was so busy the past few months and it's only now I realized i did not even visit this blog and never mentioned that I already have a diaper store:) yes, my very own store.

Anyway, ive been preparing myself now for my IVF next year. probably October next year. So I am a little more determined to loose weight:) (Not when I'm upset cause i eat a lot).

Oh Padre Pio, please help us. Intercede for me and Michael on our next journey. I need to heal spiritually. Emotional acceptance is what i need. And forgiveness to all those who had hurt me in the past with this incredible journey. Help us financially too that my store wont loose so much money from all the misfortunes in a week's time. guide us and protect us. i love you Padre Pio!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone! I just feel happy today afetr a long Tagaytay Journey. Attendting mass precided by Father Fernando Suarez made me feel better, that I am not alone and that I am blessed because I may not be 100% healthy but atleast I am alive and not suffering from a life threatening illness. I may be childless, yet:) But as years passed by, my hopes may have lessen but atleast I have accepted things more these days. I try as much as possible to be healthier each day and live a simple life.

I should better write down my spiritual journey. Late last year after my confession with a priest at Mountain of Salvation, my feeling was lighter. It was as if I can breathe better (spiritually I mean.) Faith became stronger. And months have passed now and things have changed for the better. When you embrace God into your life without questions, and live in His will, fears will dissipate. Not in an instant prehaps but time will come wherein you will feel that you're no longer resisting his plans but instead, embracing life that was planned for you.

Change Of Plans

So much have happened the past few months. I quit my job after being so stressed and loosing so much weight, I decided I want my old life back. I may earn more money when I'm working but I don't have a peace of mind. What is work without inner peace? Come March 2011, I decided to pursue my online store again. With much help from a very good friend who used to be my client as well, Ynah brought me back to my world of selling. This may be a good start, however I had difficulties with my first bazaar. But I'm still positive. Business is business, thing here are learned the hard way.

Plus the fact I will travel a lot this year. I may be stressed with everything but since Traveling will be my major role this year, I need to focus and learn how to succeed in online selling. I still Pray to you Padre Pio to please guide me.

Having a baby is the least of my priority now. I need to save. I've been helping my husband now pay our debts since he failed the exam. No time to waste.

After reading my ivf entry the past few months, It's good to know that I had that goal, but I need to postpone it. I need to fix myslef up and stay focused on my business.

Love and prayers,

Rose